What if...

Big events that are life changing cause me to think. A lot. I've kind of had a lot of those big events lately, resulting in a lot of thinking on my part. And it's been deep. And it's been good.

Sunset the night of Devin's viewing

During the last 4 months of Devin's life, he was under the care of 3 amazing hospice nurses. These 3 ladies are among 3 of the most incredible women I have ever met. One of them I met the night Devin passed away, but she still felt like family that night. During the months that they cared for Devin, I watched them become apart of something so special and so incredible. Caring for someone that is dying is an experience that words cannot describe. It's more than just caring for them. It's loving them.

So here I am, hopefully about to graduate and I am now deciding what I really would LOVE to do with my life. And, lucky for me it has nothing to do with my degree. Nothing at all. I've been too caught up in just getting done that I haven't taken the time to think about what I actually love doing. And who knows, maybe I needed to go through things and meet certain people to figure things out. Or maybe this is just a phase. Maybe I think that I can have a relationship like I did with Devin if I did it. I don't know...

Right now, I want to become a Home Hospice Nurse. 

Don't worry... I'll think long and hard on this one. But, my desire right now is pretty huge.

Through the Bittersweet Tears

November 19, 2011 will always be a special day for my family and I.  Full of sad, yet happy memories. It's strange how perfectly those two emotions went together today.

The last two years, I've thought a lot about why good people go through such hard things. I don't know that we will ever know why exactly, until we are on the other side. And that's okay. But the not knowing lead me to ponder into believing more and more of the possibility that we chose our trials before we came down. Or we knew what they would be and accepted. I don't know if it's true or not, but knowing our little Devin, I know that he came down to this earth with a mission. And that mission, he accomplished with honor. I know that his miracles were made known to us, to help us all now. Now that he is back home. We can remember what an impact such a sweet little boy had on so many people in such a short yet full life. And we can know that he accomplished what his Heavenly Father sent him here to do.

Today I spent the day with Devin and his family and was there when he took his last breath. It was an experience I will never forget and one that I am so grateful to have been a part of. The spirit that was with us tonight was one that I have never felt before. It brought great peace to all of us there.  As we cried together, we knew that Devin was no longer in pain. He can walk and run. He can see. He is happy and is probably conversing with Abinadi, whom he was hoping to get in contact with once he was in Heaven.

Tonight as we sat with Devin in his final hours, we were sad, yet very happy. It's hard to see such a beautiful boy go, but knowing where he is and what he can now do makes us happy and leaves us at peace. Happiness and sadness usually don't join each other, but tonight as they did it was perfect. It was a beautiful heartbreak.

Black Heels to Tractor Wheels

This semester I have 19 credits. Whoever thought that was a good idea clearly was not thinking properly. Right now, my life consists of writing papers. Non-stop. I can't even begin to tell you how much fun it isn't. Did I mention how the papers are on the most terrible topics anyone could possibly think of?

Example: Unpacking the Knapsack of White Privilege. 


Really? Who even thinks to name an article that? Okay, so maybe they could be worse topics, but from going from being a Fine Art major to this... It's pretty much torture.

Basically it's like going from having a lot of fun all day to driving a garbage truck all day.
There's nothing cool about that.

So since my life is just being consumed in terribleness right now (and really... life is good. Just full of terrible classes that I have to finish with zero motivation. It basically equals terribleness.) all I want to do is sit on the couch and read a book.

I am dying to read a book, but I am not letting myself do so until December 15 - when school is over.  I plan on reading, and only reading from December 15 until I am employed (or back in school because I failed all my terrible classes).

I am going to start with this book, because I can't handle not reading it any longer...

Basically, I want to be her when I grow up. If you don't know who she is then AHHH! Check.her.out. She also has a cookbook which I'm sure is cool too, but I want to read about her love life in this book since my life is lacking in that department.

After I read that, I promise I'll read the Hunger Games so I can be ready for March, but not until I read this one.

I.Can't.Wait!

If there are any books you think I should read, I would love recommendations. I'll probably be reading a lot in the future... You know, since I'll be reading only until I am employed.

"What if trials in this life are mercies in disguise"

I don't have anything to say before this video. There just aren't words. I just know that I am so incredibly lucky to be a part of this family and so grateful that I can spend as much time as I do with them. They are a huge blessing in my life.

Devin had his hands casted to be bronzed and they made a short film about the process. Beautiful and tender shots of the entire family!



Devin from Deb Savage on Vimeo.